She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
