i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
