I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
