He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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