giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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