So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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