Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
