the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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