never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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