Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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