My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
