Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
