That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
