The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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