u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
