Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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