I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
