did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
