It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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