nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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