we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
