So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
