textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
