No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Come on in and take your pants off
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