Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
