My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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