I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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