we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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