why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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