Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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