i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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