Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
