Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
