yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My ATM looks so different sober.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
