last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
