just tell him i said nine months
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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