he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
