I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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