sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm at about main and main street
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
