I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
