Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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