And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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