I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
