I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ketchup is God's man juice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
