So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
