No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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