I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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