we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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