I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
