Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
