dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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