walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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