pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
