I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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