the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
only you would photoshop your dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
