my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
