the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
