I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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