for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
