I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
