you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
