im holly from the hills drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
