So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
