but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
