Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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