Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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