Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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