Im at strip club and am horny
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
