my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
