she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
